Am I A Fraud?

bwcole —  January 17, 2015 — Leave a comment

As I begin to travel more from place to place, and help organizations solve technology challenges, I often find myself having conversations with the (not so helpful side of) that little voice in your head:

“You are such a fraud”
“You are THIS close to being exposed”

I was recently reviewing some of my material on Calling that I so loved from Ransomed Heart Ministries. I had not cracked open some of this content since about 2012, when I was still consulting with Ransomed Heart on all things technical, and it was refreshing to listen from my current vantage point. At one point the men were speaking about how, in their current seasons of living with more clarity on their individual calling than they had ever had, their was still a fear – a fear that all of it is not real, or that it could end at any minute. They indicated that this is a mile marker that you are “oh so close.”

When I first heard some of the men of Ransomed Heart share stories of their own personal journeys to live in their calling, I remember deep longings of wanting that so badly for myself. Right before the turn of the decade, I had been able to define some of the things that bring me to life, however marrying those desires to a vocation seemed so far away – in fact, the gap between those desires and my daily activities seemed miles wide.

I had no idea how I would ever get as close to my calling as the men in the Ransomed Heart audio message were to their own. But now as I listen to again, a few years later, I see parallels between my own (still unfolding) story, and the stories shared by the men. I believe that those “little voices” are indicators as well to me, that i’m getting really close.

Whenever a conversation dances dangerously near what the world might call a coincidence, a dear friend of usually says, with a wink, “ huh…”

When I think about what I currently do day to day vocationally, the very core of it is not something that you could even remotely consider to be work. Don’t get me wrong, I am not afraid of effort, and in the execution of what I do, I extend a fairly large amount of effort into delivery of the final product. However my clients are always saying things like “you are amazing” and “you are so smart.” While those words are flattering, I believe they speak more to the truth of what is at work here; that when you are operating from within the zone of your calling, whatever that may be, you bring a level of knowledge, understanding, and clarity, that can not be matched by someone who just works very hard at it, but is really not gifted in that area. And every last person has this in them in some area.

When these flattering comments come, it’s about then that I hear the voices. When I look at my actual level of experience, and compare it to the experience level of those who work hard at the same profession but perhaps not in the same level of alignment to their core gifting, the little voices (the enemy) comes in to try to dissuade my own beliefs, creating doubt in my own abilities. The enemy is no slouch, he knows exactly how to derail someone flirting with their calling – by creating personal doubt about that very calling. One of the things I feel is very important as we begin to understand our calling, is to believe in it, own it, and walk in it. Belief in your innate abilities is required for you to live “in them at a deep level” and for you to “own” them. So it’s no wonder that the enemy wants to undermine that belief – as it is a foundational ingredient to the recipe of our calling.

And here’s the exciting thing that I know without a doubt – We ALL have something in us from our maker, that he invites us on the grand journey to learn, discover, and grow into. And what’s double fun, is that in learning about ourselves. we learn more about Him. When we partner with how he made us, we partner with God himself, and his plans for world domination (come on, you know He wins in the end!)

Anyone else out there hearing the little voices?