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Am I A Fraud?

bwcole —  January 17, 2015 — Leave a comment

As I begin to travel more from place to place, and help organizations solve technology challenges, I often find myself having conversations with the (not so helpful side of) that little voice in your head:

“You are such a fraud”
“You are THIS close to being exposed”

I was recently reviewing some of my material on Calling that I so loved from Ransomed Heart Ministries. I had not cracked open some of this content since about 2012, when I was still consulting with Ransomed Heart on all things technical, and it was refreshing to listen from my current vantage point. At one point the men were speaking about how, in their current seasons of living with more clarity on their individual calling than they had ever had, their was still a fear – a fear that all of it is not real, or that it could end at any minute. They indicated that this is a mile marker that you are “oh so close.”

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The time has definitely come.. for some structure in the Cole Family. But first, a little background.

For most of my employed and self-employed life, I’ve been in roles that do not demand that I be in an office, or “on location” on a regimented schedule. It’s really the way I would prefer it, but that’s a “whole ‘nuther topic!” When you combine somewhat of a lack of self discipline in the past, with a flexable working arrangement, it tends to default to a rather un-structured result. Sprinkle in a little of the “night-owl-ness” and, well, I think you begin to see the total effect.

That result is not the best formula for creating a stable family environment, where mom has security, and the kids have positive things they can count on – nevermind the benefits to me personally! I’m fairly convinced that many of us have the awareness dnaof what the needs of our family are that create this zone of safety, but in the busy, plate-spinning world that we live in, we often don’t truly have (make) the time to set up a dependable structure. There are those families that do have this – I’ve seen you throughout the years, and have envied you; I’ve wanted what you have, wanted it for my family, I’ve just not seen how I could get it. Truth is, God had to clear out the underbrush in my life, and make space for thoughts like this to even be processed. Actually, as I write this, there’s even a deeper truth that comes out for me… I wanted it, and may have even had the ability to implement some level of it, but like so many other things that I wanted for my life, it scared me to death. Continue Reading…